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A birth community for homebirthers etc.

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Newbie [Jun. 20th, 2007|07:47 pm]
A birth community for homebirthers etc.



I'm so excited to have another place to turn for natural advice.

My name is Sarah and I'm currently 22 weeks into my second pregnancy, this will be our first child. While my due date is October 24 based on ovulation, I would not be at all surprised to have a November baby due to first borns usually coming late.

We have chosen to have as natural a birth as possible in a hospital. DH and I have very different backgrounds when it comes to making medical decisions and that has never been more apparent to me as it is now. My mom is a nurse and I have enough past history to know the importance of asking questions and being satisfied with the explanation and necessity provided. I am also hugely in favor of informed consent and REFUSAL. DH, on the other hand, has spent the last 30 years having it drilled into his head that you do what you are told and that is that.

I had wanted a birth center, but am willing to compromise with him on this. It's incredibly important to him that he have that back up available. I am planning a drug free, interventionless birth and know that I may have to fight to get what I want. My sister in law is a nurse and the current plan is to have her in attendance also, to help keep me focused and to explain any medical terminology that goes over my head. Plus, having two people there ensures that if, god forbid, I have to be separated from the little one for any reason, that someone can stay with me and someone else can stay with the baby.

I plan to exclusively breastfeed, follow AAP/WHO guidelines for the introduction of solids, baby wear, and cloth diaper.

It's been an incredible experience so far.


[User Picture]From: teacup9
2007-06-21 12:25 am (UTC)
Welcome! I know what you mean about husbands who are use to doing what they are told versus my (still pretty pro western medicine) family who questions everything. For instance he trusts only webMD on the Internet. While touring the birth center he asked a lot of questions (politely) and the midwife had such great answers he ended up being really comfortable. It also helped that the hospital tour was much worse.

I would have gone to the hospital if he had insisted though. I completely agree with you that it's important for both parents to be comfortable.
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[User Picture]From: my_everafter
2007-06-21 12:33 am (UTC)
Welcome! We're glad you are here. As a woman who made the same decision with my first (to have a hospital birth because we weren't comfortable with alternatives yet) and now greatly regret that decision, I can't help but advise you to really read up on this! Plead with your husband to carefully consider any info you can find on the subject. Read the past entries in this community. There are many MANY entries by women who regret the decision to have their first babies in the hospital and how much we wish that we could have known then what we know now. Read all you can before making the final decision! You still have some time! It's never too late to change to a birth center or homebirth. If it is at all within your power to have an out-of-hospital birth… pleeeeease take that chance and run with it!

Read books like, “The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth,” "Ina May's Guide to Natural Birth," Natural Birth the Bradley Way," and “Birthing from Within.” They are all great resources for these very important decisions. I wish SO MUCH that I had read ANY of those books *before* having my first baby in the hospital.

Anyway, I just had to throw that in there! It's a plea of desperation from me to please take this opportunity to learn from MY mistakes and prior experiences! hehe But either way you go I do wish you the best in your plans to have a natural birth!
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[User Picture]From: smldada9801
2007-06-21 01:27 am (UTC)
Thanks for all the advice and the links. I'm actually surprised at how vehemently opposed to a non-hospital birth he is.

I already have The thinking Woman's Guide to a better birth and Birthing from Within. The one that I have been most impressed with is
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Thanks for all the advice and the links. I'm actually surprised at how vehemently opposed to a non-hospital birth he is.

I already have <u>The thinking Woman's Guide to a better birth</u> and <u>Birthing from Within</u>. The one that I have been most impressed with is <Hey, Who's having this baby anyway</u>. I'm reading and rereading and and doing what I can to make this the experience that I want. I'm also reading and listening to <u> Hypno-Birthing: The Mongan Method</u>.

I know it's going to be an uphill battle, but it's been hard to find middle ground that we can both live with.
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[User Picture]From: smldada9801
2007-06-21 01:29 am (UTC)
Well that didn't go so well.

The book I really liked is Hey, Who's Having this baby anyway?
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[User Picture]From: my_everafter
2007-06-21 01:43 am (UTC)
Okay- I'm glad you have those books. That's very helpful. Maybe you could get your husband to read the one chapter (I want to say it's page 200ish?) of the Thinking Woman's Guide that covers comparing hospital to birth center to homebirths. If he'd just be willing to read that one section it might help. And if I remember correctly- it's short and to the point! (It was one chapter that impacted my thinking on birth a lot.) But then he may still be skeptical and in that case, okay! You gotta do what you gotta do. :)
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[User Picture]From: my_everafter
2007-06-21 12:47 am (UTC)
I thought I'd post a few easy links for you to previous posts which touch on hospital birth experiences. I hope they might help!

Haha- that's a lot of reading, but it's important stuff!

While it is important that you and your husband are in agreement and are comfortable with your choices, husbands can be educated too! Mine was! He also wishes that we knew before our first what we know now (from experience).

That said, natural births in hospitals CAN (though they are statistically rare) happen and DO happen and there are even a couple women in this community who have done it! But I think most of us would agree that it's not what typically happens- even for those with THE BEST of intentions and with the best preparation! So be careful. Get a natural birth supportive doula for sure- if you can.
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[User Picture]From: letisca
2007-06-21 02:12 am (UTC)
Hi and welcome,

Just a quick (oops, rather long!) note on your stated birth plan, unless your SIL is a huge proponent of natural birth, she might do more harm for you in a hospital setting than good (urging you to just follow along with the standard policies and procedures that may not be in your best interest at a time when you will be highly suggestible)

Have you researched what is standard procedures for laboring women at the hospital you are looking into? What are the standard orders that your care provider gives during labor? Have you discussed these policies vs your own plans with your SIL and seen what her reactions are? I'd highly encourage you to find out what her comfort level is with birth and intervention free natural birth before you have her with you during labor.

On that subject, is there any way that you can find a doula (either someone with official training or someone who is very well educated about natural childbirth and wants to help you in this way) to attend the birth? I'm thinking that a person in this capacity could be important support for both you and your husband (especially with his propensity to just "do what you are told")

Another possible way to get your husband more on board (if book reading isn't his thing) is to take a childbirth class such as an official Lamaze class, Bradley class or Birthing from Within class. I know of several husbands who didn't really see the point in this desire for natural childbirth that began to understand a lot more after such a class. I'd generally recommend steering clear of a hospital sponsored class as they are designed to make you a better and more compliant patient.

Also, I know of more than one husband who has been swayed toward a birth center birth (after previously being adamant that hospitals where the only place to give birth) after touring a birth center and getting to ask the midwives there all the hard questions he could think of and hearing them answered competently and reassuringly. Just a thought :)

Good luck! First babies are a incredible experience :) We'll have to get some cloth diapering discussions going in here in the future :)
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[User Picture]From: smldada9801
2007-06-21 02:34 am (UTC)
Thanks for the warm welcome. You brought up some very good points that I need to make sure I explore further and define clearly for DH.

SIL is definately on board for a natural birth. She's studying the Hypnobirthing book with me.

There are so so many cloth diapering options, it's easy to be overwhelmed.
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[User Picture]From: isarma
2007-06-21 02:16 am (UTC)
Get a doula, ASAP. My last hospital, supposed to be natural, birth I didn't bother because I had a midwife, my mom, my husband...but it's not the same. Unless one of them is as trained as a doula and prepared to play that role. I think I would've avoided panic and interventions with a doula.
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